(most) Crabs can't swim
by ForeveraCynic
Summary: Human-stuck, School-stuck(I guess) Eridan starts going to public school after a family tragedy. In his first week, Eridan falls into an odd group of friends including a boy with a lisp and two different coloured eyes, an androgynous blind witch, and a (strangely charming) compulsive curs-er. Erikat. Fluff, T for Karkat's colourful vocabulary.


**Cancer is the sign of the crab; and although they are aquatic creatures, most crabs can't swim for shit.**

* * *

Eridan was more or less a morning person. Karkat was just being Karkat.

Eridan

I got out of bed in a rather pleasant mood, which is quite usual for me. I dress myself in my normal hipster-esque attire and start the walk to my high school. As I walk I admire the view I have of the ocean. I live in a fairly large house at the top of a huge cliff overlooking the sea. The beach in front of my house belonged to my family for years and we all used to spend the summers there. Now me and my dad are the only ones left. I sigh, reminiscent, then close my eyes for a second and try to focus. I'm starting my high school life over! I can hang out with whomever I wish now. My old school was really good, with high attendance and a one hundred percent success rate for placing rich kids in high paying jobs. I was grateful to have the opportunity, but it was really stifling and just depressing after a while. Now I get to go to an average school in an average part of town, with average people who have actually developed their own personalities. I look forward to mingling. I have decided that I should probably refrain from the use of my usual formal pattern of speech. And I have been practicing slouching. And My dad finally let me bleach a streak of my hair for purple, my favourite colour! I realize I'm just about to arrive at my new school and I sort of shudder. Here we goooo!

* * *

I went through the first portion of my day with no trouble, and Now it is lunch and I've been sitting by myself under a tree for about ten minutes, horsing around on my phone, when a very, very small boy approaches me from across the . He looks about eleven or twelve size- wise, but from his face I'd guess he is a bit younger than me, fourteen or fifteen maybe. He stands right in front of me and sighs. He looks absolutely peeved. Oh, sorry, pissed. He has one hand across his stomach, upon which he is resting his other elbow, massaging the bridge of his nose.

"I'm talking to you on a dare you stupid prick, wipe that fucking smirk of your face," He half hisses, half growls at me. I realize I was in fact smiling a bit. I quickly straighten my mouth and stare at him. He looks down at me and groans, rolling his head to the side and dropping his hand to fiddle with the neck of his sweatshirt.

"W...Would you like to, uhh, come... come eat with, uhh, with us? Cause' your uhhh... cause your new?" He says, then sighing, turns to walk away, without waiting for an answer..

"Oh, Okay! Thank you... wwwhat was your name?" I politely direct the question at his back and he tips his head back, calling out "Karkat", which I suppose is his name.

"Eridan!" I yell cheerfully, and he makes a rude gesture with his fingers.

I quickly gather my bag and jacket and run after him. I follow him inside the school and down the hall to a service door. I am almost positive that we are not supposed to go in there, so I inquire to Karkat about the subject. He grunts in response and I shrug slightly and smile, following him through the door, which I discover leads to a stair case. Strange, I don't recall this school having an upper floor from the outside.

When we walk out the door at the top of the stair case, I gasp in delight. The roof! I yelp, and automatically run to the farthest corner from the door. I lean over the side and start laughing. The view is beautiful. If I look far enough, I can see the ocean. I hear a strange sound, a sort of high cackling noise, like a witches laugh. I spin on my heel and notice that me and Karkat are far from alone. There are a handful of people, maybe ten or twelve, all sitting in the middle of the flat space. I notice that all of them are staring at me, save one girl in a weird skirt, who is contentedly chewing her lunch. The cackling appears to be coming from an androgynous person in bright red tinted glasses. I smile and wave, then decide to introduce myself.

"Hellooo! I'm Eridan. It's really nice tooooo meet youuuu all!" I struggle with the W sound in the words hello, to and you, but I've been practicing so it's not too dramatic. I pray they don't notice.

They don't, or at least they don't seem to care. One boy with polychromatic eyes speaks up.

"I'm thollukth. And you're thtanding a biit clothe to that edge don't you think?"

I turn to look at the edge, and I am indeed a bit close. Actually not so much close as directly on the edge. My heels hang of the edge of the building slightly. I'm not scared in the least but I'm feeling playful. I pretend to gasp in shock and fall backwards. I actually lean all the way back and grab onto the edge of the building while my feet remain planted. It fools them because it looks physically impossible. I have, though, been in gymnastics since I was very small and have always had a natural talent for contortion. I'm also quite strong. I flip my feet up over my head, holding myself on my hands, and swing them all the way over the edge making an arch over my head. I hear gasps and a girl screeches. I'm holding on with the tips of my fingers and I pull myself up onto my hands, walking on them down from the low ledge, and then flipping onto my feet, coming to a rest a foot away from the edge. I watch their faces when I get back up. A few people had jumped to their feet in the few seconds I was off the edge. Karkat is still standing next to the door. He's twitching and his mouth is open slightly. He looks somehow devastated. Maybe he wanted me to fall, I think briefly. No. He looks like he was just scared.

Wait, is he... crying? I don't have time to stare though because suddenly about six people are swarming me, shaking me, patting my back and hugging me; all of them are laughing. Some of them are amazed at my little routine, while some are angry at me for almost giving them heart attacks. A few are just sitting and laughing at the others. I think they like me, mostly. I accept their praise and apologize a few times. Soon they all disperse, one at a time, and sit back down to their food. A spot is made for me next to the lisp-ing boy whose name I have deciphered as Sollux. No one noticed Karkat besides me; they were all distracted by my little trick. I run over to him and go to my knees in front of him so I'm closer to his height. He watches me as I take his hands in mine. I think briefly that this might be really weird but I ignore the notion because his hands are shaking. I'm aware that some people are watching me but I don't really care. Karkat starts blubbering and I realize it's probably a lot more than just what happened. It must have brought up something unpleasant from before, because he seemed really tough before and now he is most definitely weak-and cute. Very cute. I let go of his hands and wrap my arms around him. I hear him try to protest but he's too confused to get his words straight. People are quiet as they watch me hug their adorabloodthirsty friend. Hey, I just came up with that. It suits him, I think. He stops fighting me and puts one of his hands on my head, and the other around my neck. He places his head on the hand on my head.**(?)**

"Idiot," he sighs. Then he takes his hands back and bops me on the head. Hard. I laugh and smile at him. Then I grab his elbow and pull him back to the group. They're all shocked for a minute. Then they slowly start talking again. They ignore the whole Karkat shenanigan; accept for one girl named Nepeta, who thinks it was just the cutest thing, but is quickly shushed by a large boy named Equius. He is her brother, as I find out. Also that Nepeta is autistic and ADHD.

Someone offers to let me eat with them again tomorrow. I am absolutely ecstatic that they didn't hate me- maybe I can join this group! I accept their offer and grin.

Next day. E, Sollux, Terezi and Karkat are sitting away from the group.

"Tho, Eriidan, are you new iin town?" Inquires Sollux.

"Actuuually I have livvved here my wwwwhole life. I wwwent to a privvvate schooool abouuut three houuurs from here before, thouuugh." I smile widely at him, again.

"Where doeth your famiily liive? Or, where do you live now?"

"I live in the bluuue houuuse at the top offff that hill ovvver there." I say, pointing to the hill my house is on, which is visible from the roof.

The person who was cackling yesterday, who I discovered is, in fact, female, and who is named Terezi, pipes in.

"You mean the mansion?!" She is grinning while she says it, but she's always grinning. I put my head down. I don't want them to know where I came from.

"Uuuuuuh... y-yeah, that one," I say quietly. Too late.

"Wha? Manthon? You rich? Thatth tho cool! Can I come over thome time?" He asks, surprising me.

"Huh? Really? Yeah sure! You can come over whenever, my dad is never home and no one else lives with us. Actually, you can bring people with you too if you want. I love having people over! I might make you swim though." I ramble. I'm so happy Sollux wants to come over. This is awesome! He laughs.

"Cool! Thwim? Whyth that?" He asks, grinning. I blush.

"Wwwwwell, swwwwimming is my, uhh, main pass time, pretty much."

" Thatth cool. Maybe me and Teth and Karkat will come over after school, if thatth alright?"

"Yeah sure! Do youuuu wwwent tooooo, Karkat?" I ask nervously. I'm really conscious of Karkat for some reason. He just nods, not looking me in the eyes. He's been acting weird around me since I hugged him yesterday. Guess I made him super uncomfortable or something. I resolve to fix that.

"I'll go home and get my trunks before I come over. Hear that, Karkat? We have to swim." Sollux grins mischievously. I wonder why. Then Karkat more or less answers my question.

"Wh-wh-whaaa!? When was this discussed? I didn't hear anything about swimming!" Karkat almost yells, blushing madly.

"Karkat. Are youuu... dooo youuu not knowwww howwww tooo swwwim?" I ask him quietly. He starts bluthering and blubbering protests but soon quiets and puts his head in his hands.

"...No. I can't swim. I never learned, and I don't plan to." He says evenly.

"Ohhh come on Kar, dooon't be a bummer! Pleeeease?" I really want Karkat to come. For some reason I'm trying to imagine him in a bathing suit- I-I mean what? Why would I even think that! Bluuuuh- when I realize I don't really know what the rest of him looks like. He has pretty hands, but besides his shoes and face, that's about the only part of him that is really visible. He wears a really loose sweat shirt with a red turtle-neck underneath and huge sweat pants. His shoes are giant combat boots that look as if they are designed for stomping skeletons, which just so happen to be the design on his black sweat shirt. His hair is constantly covered by his hood, even in class, though I do only have one block in common with him.

Idea!

"Hey I know, I can teach you! I'm pretty good, I think, I used to compete and stuff. What do you say?" I ask Karkat eagerly. He looks up at me and shakes his head.

"Aww, come on Karkat! You can't back out now, thtupid. Do it for uth?"

"Yyyyeeeaaah Kaaaar! Come oooon, don't be a paaaaarty pooooper!" Sings Terezi.

Karkat grumbles and turns his head away from us. Damn, I really want the little guy to go swimming with us. I decide to take drastic measures. I jump towards him and grab his shoulders. I push him down and start tickling his rib cage. He screeches for me to stop but I don't really care. I won't stop until he agrees to come with us. Plus he looks so cute like this. He's squirming and trying to get my hands away from him, trying to cover himself, yelling for me to stop between hysterical bouts of laughter. Trying to do anything he thinks will make me stop. Sollux and Terezi are laughing and watching me with slight awe. Most people are too scared of Karkat to do anything like the things I had done, having known him for about eighteen hours, in years of knowing him. I don't really know why, though. He doesn't seem so bad to me. Not bad at all, actually. He's damn cute, honestly. I personally differ a bit from the norm though, so it is to be expected that I would have a different opinion. But why so different? I must be missing something here.

I'm just totally zoned out with all these thoughts and shit when I realize Karkat's giving up. He's yelling that, yes, fine he'll let me teach him how to swim. I'm overjoyed. I finally let him go and he sits up, panting. There is water in his eyes and he glares viciously at me.

"What the fuck! You bastard, that's cheating! Where'd you learn to do that anyway? You tickle like a pro. Not that that is really a very commendable skill for you to be fucking having, but what the fuck sort of experience could you have with tickling? Unless it was like a weird girl friend or something. With like a tickling fetish or something?" H e hissed at me then he put his head on his knee and grumbled.

"I uhh, uuuused to havvvve siblings." I respond, still laughing slightly. Karkat looks at me, surprised.

"It's a long story. I can tell youuu if youu wwwant." Most people want to know. Karkat shakes his head.

"As if I even want to know, fuckass" He mumbles. He sounds dismissive but I think he's just being respectful, like he doesn't want to pressure me into telling him if I don't want to talk about it. I really like Karkat. It seems like he has no etiquette or social grace but he can be tactful when it's important.

I grin at him and throw my arms around his shoulders again. He responds by attempting to push me away, and squirming to escape my hug. I just laugh and pull him closer to me. He retaliates, successfully this time, by screeching in my ear. I squeal and cover my ears. He punches me and we both start laughing. I start, and then Karkat joins in, attempting in vain to stifle giggles. I try not to blush but am unsuccessful. He's too damn cute!

"Sooo, Karkat, Sollux Tez, wwwwhen wwwwere youuuu goooing tooooo come over? Like, wwwhat time or wwwhatevvver?"

"III wath going to come over ath thoon ath III grab my thwim thuit. The walk to my houthe ith about twenty five, twenty eight minutth- tho maybe about fifty minutth to an hour?"

"It takes me about five minutes to driiive home, and I know how to get to your place so I should only take like fifteen minutes." Says Terezi.

"I have shit idea how to get to your house and I don't fucking own a bathing suit." Hisses Karkat. Oh.

"You can borrowww ooone of my brother's ooold ooones. And wwwhy don't youuu just wwwalk there wwwith me after schoool? Wwwe could swwwim right awwway! And you need the practice." I suggest to him eagerly. The idea of being alone with Karkat; of swimming alone with Karkat makes me really, really, happy. I watch him, waiting for a response. He sighs. The bell rings but we ignore it for now.

"Why the fuck not, I guess." I could start jumping and doing back flips and cart wheels while making joyous whoops and sounds I've never made before; but I don't want to freak him out. So I try to keep myself calm.

"J-just meet me at the front gates after schooool oookay?" I suggest, trying not to sound too happy.

He grunts. I'll take that as a yes. Then we all scurry to our classes for the rest of the day.

* * *

**I know a girl with a stutter and it just sort of makes more sense to me like this, with him stuttering not on just the letters v and w, but other letters with the same sound.**


End file.
